There is golf and There is life.

[Boerdoc]

So I come home from work last Thursday, finished my week and I was met by my family at the door. Just got a call that my step-father just died watching TV on the couch. At 83 and not in great health to begin with that was not a surprise. The reality part was that my mom broke her hip in January and was in a rehab hospital and was being sent home on Sunday. No one is at home and according to the hospital administrator she cannot care for herself at all. Insurance "kicked" her out. They live 1200 miles away in Kingman Arizona.
No family is within 500 miles. One of my brothers is on his 40th anniversary cruise. The other cannot travel due to health issues. So it is me alone. I got to her house and found a place that was put together well but something happened. I spoke to the neighbors who were taking care of the dog and they said that the decline was swift and massive.
The neighbors are great but they are 71 and cannot be responsible for my mom. I have spent the last 5 days going through the house cleaning up everything and trying to make sense of all the financials they had. Nothing was in order. 3 life insurance policies were lapsed last year. Financials were a mess. The wills were present but not complete. We needed to get mom a new will. Dad had 2 accounts that we cannot access until the death certificate is issued. I drove 3.5 hours from Phoenix in a rental car and cannot return it there so off the Las Vegas, 2 hours each way. Hopefully mom does not fall off the couch before I get home. (She will not be alone). Then I get the 18 hour drive in a uhaul truck taking her to my house. I have bored you enough.

My point is this. I spent 10 k. Building my sim. I love it. But. Do not let golf get in the way of what really matters. I should have known about their condition and been ready for this. I was not and my pursuit of golf blinded me. Golf is a great sport. Life is more important. Take care of your family. At some time you will need help and your family will remember how you handled the situation.

Sorry to ramble. I missed the last tournament and will miss this one, a major. But I am thankful that I am able to be there for my mom. Check on your parents, they will not ask for help. But they will need it.
Thanks for listening.

[gene438]

Sorry to hear the news.... Your point is well taken....prayers to you and your family.

[Ironstrokes]

That gave me chills toward the end, that's a rough situation. We really do get caught up in our simulators sometimes because of how much excitement and fun it gives us but always gotta keep one eye on reality as well. Really hope things get a little easier for you during this tough spot. Hope to see you back on the tour with us soon.

[TheCoupe]

@boerdoc... Really sorry for your loss and the troubles you are currently facing. I couldn't agree with you more though. I'm trying to build my outdoor sim and clear my head from the hurdles in work and ongoing bills etc, yet I'm sitting with a 4 week old daughter.

My dad isn't in the best health, but thankfully beat his cancer battle and is heading to Spain for a few months with my mum, yet with everything else that goes on in life, I hardly get to see them... and they only live 10mins away.

Your post has hit home with me and does make me realize what matters most in life... family. You work to live, you don't live to work. Life should be enjoyed with those around you

[Boerdoc]

Thanks for the support and prayers. I needed to express myself and sometimes I think too hard.

A bit of good, great news. The maintenance required light came on in the rental car. I called the agency and explained that I was not comfortable driving a car with a warning light on. They said it is probably just a maintenance light. When I said that my mother with the recent broken hip, lost her husband and lots of desert to pass through, they agreed to get a tow from Las Vegas so I did not have to return the car at all, Thank God. Next the neighbors came over to help pack the truck. Finally, after they saw all that was going to be left behind, they volunteered to have a rummage sale for all in the house and refused to accept a commission when I offered . Amazing charity. My guardian angel was working overtime. Faith, hope and charity. Most of all is charity.
Tomorrow we begin the drive home. Wish us a safe trip. Again, thanks for the support.

[Ironstrokes]

Thanks for the support and prayers. I needed to express myself and sometimes I think too hard.

A bit of good, great news. The maintenance required light came on in the rental car. I called the agency and explained that I was not comfortable driving a car with a warning light on. They said it is probably just a maintenance light. When I said that my mother with the recent broken hip, lost her husband and lots of desert to pass through, they agreed to get a tow from Las Vegas so I did not have to return the car at all, Thank God. Next the neighbors came over to help pack the truck. Finally, after they saw all that was going to be left behind, they volunteered to have a rummage sale for all in the house and refused to accept a commission when I offered . Amazing charity. My guardian angel was working overtime. Faith, hope and charity. Most of all is charity.
Tomorrow we begin the drive home. Wish us a safe trip. Again, thanks for the support.

Wow that's awesome to hear. There are still some good ones out there in the world. Its always tough to hear when someone is struggling, its nice when the universe throws a good bone out every now and then. Have a great trip and hope you enjoy the years to come getting to be close with your mom again. And once it all settles....seeing you back on the tour again haha

[Boerdoc]

Well, I am almost back to playing golf on the sim. The trip was uneventful but long. Three days of lifting mom in and out of a uhaul truck. Mom was doing ok until we went to get her into assisted living. When they checked her out they discovered 2 bed sores that needed to heal before they could allow her to move in. Soooo, on my couch she stayed for 3 weeks while taking her to wound care 2xweek. Then she had a day where she could not move without excruciating pain. 911, ambulance and off to the emergency room. Turns out that the 4 inch screw that was holding her femur together should have been 3.5 inches. Every move scraped her pelvis. No wonder she was failing to flourish. Easter morning at 7:15 am she had surgery to replace the screw. All is good with her now. She is in Skilled nursing facility nursing the wounds and rehabbing the hip mobility to allow her to walk with a walker and not be in a wheelchair exclusively. I visit her daily of course but I cannot seem to keep the nursing staff to keep the bed sores protected while in bed. UGHH. When not seeing her and trying to parent 4 kids and be a somewhat good husband and dentist, I have been taking care of her affairs.

The enormity of paperwork is daunting, lawyers, social security, banking accounts that I cannot access without power of attorney, then having a power of attorney denied and having to fight that, pension plans to get access to, veterans affairs to deal with, Medicare plans to change, Medicaid to get setup, checks to write, bills to pay, addresses to change with everything from magazines to insurances, creditors for the deceased to deal with and many more things that I cannot even remember.

I really think that there must be a job title for this. I would have paid good money to have someone do all of this for me.

I could not let the story be left untold. I again urge everyone to prepare early for this. I did not and wish i had.

I look forward to getting back, hopefully this week.

As I said in the title. There is golf and there is life. Be there when you are needed. Thanks for listening.

[Ironstrokes]

Well, I am almost back to playing golf on the sim. The trip was uneventful but long. Three days of lifting mom in and out of a uhaul truck. Mom was doing ok until we went to get her into assisted living. When they checked her out they discovered 2 bed sores that needed to heal before they could allow her to move in. Soooo, on my couch she stayed for 3 weeks while taking her to wound care 2xweek. Then she had a day where she could not move without excruciating pain. 911, ambulance and off to the emergency room. Turns out that the 4 inch screw that was holding her femur together should have been 3.5 inches. Every move scraped her pelvis. No wonder she was failing to flourish. Easter morning at 7:15 am she had surgery to replace the screw. All is good with her now. She is in Skilled nursing facility nursing the wounds and rehabbing the hip mobility to allow her to walk with a walker and not be in a wheelchair exclusively. I visit her daily of course but I cannot seem to keep the nursing staff to keep the bed sores protected while in bed. UGHH. When not seeing her and trying to parent 4 kids and be a somewhat good husband and dentist, I have been taking care of her affairs.

The enormity of paperwork is daunting, lawyers, social security, banking accounts that I cannot access without power of attorney, then having a power of attorney denied and having to fight that, pension plans to get access to, veterans affairs to deal with, Medicare plans to change, Medicaid to get setup, checks to write, bills to pay, addresses to change with everything from magazines to insurances, creditors for the deceased to deal with and many more things that I cannot even remember.

I really think that there must be a job title for this. I would have paid good money to have someone do all of this for me.

I could not let the story be left untold. I again urge everyone to prepare early for this. I did not and wish i had.

I look forward to getting back, hopefully this week.

As I said in the title. There is golf and there is life. Be there when you are needed. Thanks for listening.

Good to hear an update on this, super annoying with the bed sores setting you two back like that. I work in health care and sadly have seen a few situations like this before and how it had affected some of the families as well. Its never easy.

I can recall several times where I would see a patient's son or daughter come in almost every night after work or from home to see there parent just because that was the only way their mom or dad would eat or have any joy at all. They would do this for years, even after their loved ones had dementia and would barely even recognize them. Night after night they would be there for them without fail

The stress seemed to wear them down but they continued to do what they had to do for as long as they had to do it. I admire what you've done for your mom, especially juggling that on top of being there for the rest of your family as well. Its extremely heartwarming to hear your dedication and that she's getting therapy and coming along. Wish all the best for you ahead and for her to have a nice recovery. And look forward to seeing your name on the leaderboards around here soon as well!

[MainStGolf]

Prayers for your continuing situation! Life does have an uncanny ability to slap us in the face sometimes. I lost three grandparents in less than two years. Two within a 5-week period. It does help put things back in perspective.

[Boerdoc]

Thanks for the support and prayers. It means a lot to me.

[Boo Radley]

I think a story like like this does help you remember golf is just a game to the majority of us and simulator golf is even more of a "game" When I hear people complaining about the rules or "cheating with their handicap" I question what their motives are??? I have a friend who has been taking care of his parents with the help of his brother for several years now.They can't be left alone and are still in their home. He travels several hours and then usually stays at least a month until his brother relieves him. The last time we spoke he said that his parents took care of him for at least 18 years, it was the least he could do.... I hope that all goes well for you "doc" I believe your kindness will not go unrewarded.

[Boerdoc]

Thanks Boo, Karma is just.

[Boerdoc]

My Mom is awesome. This saga is continuing. Mom underwent 4 weeks of therapy at our house to get movement back in her hip back in March-april. Unfortunately, we were unsuccessful when a screw in the hip protruded into the socket. Surgery in April to place a shorter screw also failed and she needed a complete hip replacement that was completed 3 weeks ago. She is back in rehab and is able to walk with a walker 100 yds or so. But, she has a weeping would that cultured for MRSA. Today she is going back for her fourth surgery this year to debride the infection. Wish us luck and send your prayers for a quick recovery.

What makes my mom awesome is that she tells me to take care of my family, go to the kids golf tournaments and go rest even though she has no one else to visit her. She GETS life. It's not all about ones self. It's about others. Giving without expecting to get something in return.

[Ironstrokes]

My Mom is awesome. This saga is continuing. Mom underwent 4 weeks of therapy at our house to get movement back in her hip back in March-april. Unfortunately, we were unsuccessful when a screw in the hip protruded into the socket. Surgery in April to place a shorter screw also failed and she needed a complete hip replacement that was completed 3 weeks ago. She is back in rehab and is able to walk with a walker 100 yds or so. But, she has a weeping would that cultured for MRSA. Today she is going back for her fourth surgery this year to debride the infection. Wish us luck and send your prayers for a quick recovery.

What makes my mom awesome is that she tells me to take care of my family, go to the kids golf tournaments and go rest even though she has no one else to visit her. She GETS life. It's not all about ones self. It's about others. Giving without expecting to get something in return.

Sounds like an incredible lady, hope all goes well with the surgery today! That's very annoying the previous ones kept failing in one way or another. Really good hearing she can still keep her chip up and persevere on through it until everything is done right and it sticks. All the well wishes to you, you family and especially your mom, sounds like you got a great one with her and heres to hoping she is joining you at some of these golf tournaments this time next year!

[MainStGolf]

Continued prayers for you and your family!